The Rhythm of Emotion

My body shuttered from the first note.  The emotions lay there so close to the surface that I found myself powerless against the rush of tears that welled up in the pit of my gut and flowed furiously from my eyes.

This move, this blind leap really, this leaving family, comfort and stability, to live a life of perpetual wandering, trust, faith . . .

We have kids now you know.  And they have their own feelings.  It was easy when it was just the two of us.

It cost us nothing, then.

Now, the stakes are high.  We have these little people counting on us for everything, yet we can guarantee them nothing in this life.

Trust. Trust that the Lord loves them just as much as I do and will provide for their safety when He calls us to some very unlovely places.

Faith.  Faith that their little tummies will always be full of warm and yummy things, that their little feet will never go bare. 

It's hard, and all of this came pouring out.  The music, as always, was my undoing . . .

"If I give it all to you will you make it all new?

  If I open up my hands will you fill them again?"

"I know that I can trust you

I lean not on my own understanding,

my life is in the hands of the maker of Heaven.

 I know that I can trust you
So give me a heart to love you God.

There's nothing I hold on to

I will climb this mountain with my hands wide open

There's nothing I hold on to

I am so in love with you 

there is no one else for me."

. . . but before the tears have a chance to dry, He whispers so sweetly, like He always does,

"You can trust me, I love you my darling."

and His peace floods my heart once again.