"I am the ground of thy beseeching; first, it is my will thou shalt have it; after, I make thee to will it; and after I make thee to beseech it thou beseechest it. How should it then be that thou shouldst not have thy beseeching?"
-Juliana of Norwich
As I sit down to write about Foster's chapter on prayer, I'm not really sure where to go with it. Prayer is such a loaded topic; there are so many ways to talk about it, be it prayers of guidance, thanksgiving, supplication, healing...Judging by the passion with which Foster writes about prayer, I suspect he could author several books on the subject. I actually read the chapter three times and have spent much time thinking about what to post. I've decided that I'm just going to write about what's in my heart and what I've experienced with prayer and try to weave in aspects from his chapter as well as ideas from sermons that have inspired me.
To pray is to breath. I need it to live, it sustains me, places peace upon my heart, it quiets my soul. There are times when all I know to do is pray. When I was younger I went through a period of suffering from horrific nightmares and could only drift off by praying myself to sleep. Gods word says that the Holy Spirit is the Comforter. If the "Spirit is the Comforter than Jesus must be the Comfort.*" He is my comfort. Prayer brings me to a place were my fears melt away and confidence emerges. A place where the broken places in my heart are healed and hurtful experience are redeemed. Early on in my pregnancy with Micah, the Lord spoke to me that he was using Micah to heal all of the wounds left by the miscarriage and Remy's birth. Wounds that I hadn't even realized were there until he brought them to the surface. Yes, even the hidden ones were healed. The Lord took me to places that had once created fear in me and as he did, he spoke to me; "I'm bringing you back here so that this place, this situation, will no long have the power over you to create fear in your life. The outcome will be different this time. There will be life where there was death. I know all of the children you are going to have and I created you with the ability to birth them."
To pray is to listen. Søren Kierkegaard once said: "A man prayed, and at first he thought that prayer was talking. But he became more and more quiet until in the end he realized that prayer is listening." I wait on the Lord with an attentive ear and he teaches me how to pray. He has taught me to pray blessings over my children and prayers of thanksgiving for the things he has promised to do. When he taught me through my father, to pray prayers of warfare, the nightmares stopped. When the doctors told me I should go straight to a c-section with Micah and that a trial-of-labor would be foolish, I walked into the delivery room with out fear and full of confidence that I could deliver my son. Why? Because I has spent time listening to what God had to say about Micah's birth. The doctors told me that the second baby is usually larger than the first and boys are bigger than girls. I was looking at having a 9+ pound baby and that I was too small to deliver him. He would surely get stuck. So I got to praying! I asked to go into labor on or before my due date, that he would be an average size baby and be in the head down, chin tucked, anterior position (due to what happened with Remy). Oh, and for Micah to have a glorious head of hair. Guess what? Micah was indeed head down, chin tucked and in the anterior position. I gave birth naturally, three days before my due date, to a 7lb. 8oz. 19in. long boy, who happened to have a glorious head of hair! I know praying about his hair is ridiculous, but when I pray for stuff like that and God answers, it's like he's smiling at me and saying, "I hear ya, kid." Knowing how to pray and seeing the answers come to pass would not be possible without first listening to God and then standing my ground concerning what he has told me.
The beauty of God is that he "meets us where we are and slowly moves us into deeper things...success in the small corners of life gives us authority in larger matters. If we are still, we will learn not only who God is but how his power operates." I'll admit, there are things that I've prayed for that haven't yet come to pass. I've prayed for the gifts of healing and knowledge. These are Godly things that the Bible says we should pray for. So why don't I have these gifts? The answer to that question became very clear when our friend Gus came to visit. He dropped some wisdom on us that has changed the way I think about God's answers to prayer (I also heard a Bill Johnson sermon that expanded on Gus's point and will try my best to paraphrase). In whatever it is we are praying for, God "gives us the oak tree in the form of the acorn, he allows us to steward something in
small form to see if our character will develop equal to the unfolding of that answer. Our character is actually the platform that holds the weightiness of His answers.**" If I were to have the gift of knowledge, with my character in it's present form, would I use it to bring people to God or would I use it to exploit the heart of man? What of the gift of healing; would I rejoice over the headache that is gone; would I become proud because of the empty wheelchair? When I think about it, maybe my issue is lacking compassion. Do I really feel for the person I'm praying for? It is written that Jesus saw the people and was filled with compassion and so prayed for them. When I pray, maybe I should ask God for his eyes so I can see as he does and his heart to feel as he does. I'm beginning to ask God what the acorn that I can handle looks like. Better yet, maybe I should pray like Moses when he asks, "...let me know your ways, that I may know you" ( Exodus 33:13). That way I don't "question who he is when I feel that my prayer isn't being answered.**" He wants to answer our prayers, he really does, it's just that sometimes we don't understand what it is we're asking (Mark 10:35-40). If we attune ourselves to the Holy Spirit, he will tell us how to pray and what to pray; "in the process you will be positioned for what you have prayed for.**" Bill Johnson makes another good point; "don't calibrate your joy according to God's response to your prayer; calibrate your joy to the nature of God because...discovering his nature opens the door for intimacy, for closeness, for tenderness.
A valid question to bring up is: How do I know what God sounds like; how do I know it's not just my imagination? The best description I've ever heard came from one of our pastors in Florida. He said "the voice of God sounds much like my own but is full of wisdom that I myself do not possess." Sometimes God's voice is audible, often times it comes as an impression on your mind or a nudging on your heart but I would have to say that the form of God speaking that people most clearly recognize comes from reading his Word. Whatever it is you think God is trying to say, it will always line up with his character and the Bible. If it doesn't, throw it out. If you're confused, bring it back to God and ask him if that's really him or if it's you. You'll be surprised by what happens in your life when you do this. Many times the Lord will use other people to confirm what he's trying to tell you. Another idea is to write it down. If you're familiar with the Bible you'll understand that the Lord likes to reveal things overtime and through many sources. Adam and I have been in the habit of doing this; we'll write down things we think the Lord is saying to us and also things others have said. I recently went through my journal and was blown away by the clear guidance that was being revealed. All of those puzzle pieces that were given to us over the past few years are coming together to show us an amazing picture of what's going on now and where we are going in the future. If we hadn't written those things down, most of it would have been forgotten and we would probable be in a state of confusion over what's going on in our life. All of this is simply to encourage you. God wants to hear your thoughts and he wants to share his with you. Prayer is just the avenue in which that happens. I'll end with a thought from William Penn; "Units of prayer combined, like drops of water, make an ocean which defies resistance."
Psalm 37:4 "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart."
P.S. I'd love to hear your thoughts on prayer and different things you've experienced though prayer. Feel free to share on here!
John 16:24
*Charles Spurgeon
**Bill Johnson, Blank Check
All quotes are from Celebration of Discipline unless otherwise noted.