Part II
Some have exalted religious fasting beyond all Scripture and reason; and others have utterly disregarded it."
-John Wesley
Is it wrong that I was hungry and had a bowl of cereal while I was
reading the chapter? Hey, I'm a nursing mom and the baby's gotta eat. I
do wish I could fast though. There was about a five minute window a
few years ago when I wasn't either pregnant or nursing and I was able to
fast. I was intrigued by the discipline and knew that it was Biblical;
in Scripture, Jesus says "when you fast," indicating that it is
something you are going to do. However, I was clueless about it and
just didn't get it. I decided that I didn't need to understand it first
in order to be obedient and that God would teach me about fasting
through obedience. So I fasted a few times, just breakfast and lunch,
but it was a start. Then one day God rocked my world.
*Before I get into the story I need to say a few things. I've prayed
about sharing this story and I feel God saying I can either share it or
not; it's up to me. By sharing I'm leaving myself raw and exposed, so
tread lightly and remember that I'm on a journey with God and have much
to learn. Finally, the reason I've decided to share is because it's a
powerful story of God's goodness and glory; of how he meets us where we
are at, imperfections, struggles and all. I do realize that parts of
what I'm about to say are potentially controversial, even amongst
Christians.
It all began with three
unusual encounters and one unexpected conversation. It was Evangelism
week at our school in Denver and we were all packed into the worship
room for that day's lecture. Adam was next to me, as always, working on
his doodle masterpieces. Midway through the lecture, the speaker
stopped, turned to me and as though no one else was in the room, told me
that "I was like a mother hen with lots of chicks under my wing; and
that God was going to do something big that was going to wash over me
like a wave and when it does, I'll know it's Him." He stopped just as
suddenly as he started and went back to lecturing. "Well, that was
awkward," I thought to myself but felt slightly better when he did the
same thing to our friend Simon ten minutes later. A few weeks after, a
male staff member approached me and said, "I know this sounds weird but I
think I'm supposed to tell you not to worry, that you will have kids
one day." Worry that I would have kids? Surely he hadn't met my
family. Although I thought it was strange, I decided to keep it in the
back of my mind. The last of the three encounters came during Giving
Night. It's a time at school when we pray about each others needs and
then give as we feel led. In the midst of our classmates sharing all
that they had with each other, the speaker for the week ushered me over
and simply said, "God is going to give you a ring to signify his seal on
your life." I wasn't sure what that meant but hey, what girl doesn't
like a little bling? Little did I know that one year later I would find
myself living in Oregon, suffering a deep depression, desperate to see a
big move of God in our lives and wondering if Adam and I would ever
have a family.
Almost immediately upon arriving
in Oregon I fell into depression. To complicate matters, someone stole
Adam's debit card number and wiped out our bank account. Then, the day
before our 3rd anniversary we went for a sonogram. We needed the little
bit of sunshine that seeing our baby would bring. Except there was no
heartbeat. We drove down to the Columbia River and and cried in the car
before returning home that night to share the news with our roommates.
We were left penny less, without a baby and now had mounting medical
bills from the miscarriage that were due in a few weeks. This is when I
received a very unexpected phone call. My doctor called our house one
day and said she had found out that I was a Christian. She told me that
before we attempted to get pregnant again, I should fast and pray. It
seemed like unusual advise from an unusual source. I had already fasted
once or twice in the days prior to the call so I was already warm to
the idea. It was March and at that point we had decided to try again in
September. My experiments in fasting were becoming more and more dear
to me as my broken heart longed to be near God.
The day that I was rocked to my core started much like the others. No
breakfast, did some chores and then spent time in prayer. I was alone
in our room thinking about how on the day Adam and I were married we
said our marriage was a marriage of three, Adam, myself and God. My
thoughts progressed as such: If God is a king and he is part of our
marriage, then does that make me a queen? Purely fanciful thoughts,
nothing theologically sound of course. After briefly entertaining such
thoughts, I decided to try praying in tongues. It's strange and I still
do not understand it, but it's Biblical and so I figured, what the
heck? As I prayed I noticed that without any effort on my part, the
prayer had turned into a song. Was my spirit worshiping the Lord
without me realizing it? I was intrigued. I felt that it was time to
get into God's word. I grabbed my Bible intent on flipping to Psalms,
my go to book, but ended up opening right up to Esther. I thought that
was odd. I had never opened up to Esther before. It suddenly hit me,
she was a queen; was God having fun with me? I thought I'd give it a
read and if God wanted to speak though it he would and if not I'd move
on to Psalms. What unfolded was a story of a queen bringing her
requests before her king. The king lovingly granting her requests and
giving her his signet ring to place his seal over the matters. I
quickly understood that the Lord was showing me how to pray about our
needs. I brought everything to him in the way he had showed me. I
asked him to resolve the bank issue and restore our finances, to pay our
medical bills that were due at the end of the month and were well over
$5,000 and finally, I prayed about future pregnancies. I felt
completely in the center of where God wanted me to be in all of this, at
peace. He was my king and I was his queen and he was granting my
requests. I felt a nudging on my heart to keep reading, there was more
he wanted to share. I got to Esther 9:22 and read, "...their sorrow was
turned into joy and their mourning into a day of celebration," and
instantly knew that not only was the Lord going to grant my request but
that he was also promising to turn our sorrow in to joy and mourning
into celebration. It was an amazing day spent with the Lord, that I
will forever cherish.
About a week or so before our medical bills were due I received a
letter from Oregon Health, they were picking me up on their plan, every
last cent was being taken care of! Three or four weeks went by and
something seemed off about my health. I did what most women my age
would and took a pregnancy test. Sure enough I was pregnant again! I
immediately called my doctor to set up an appointment to confirm that I
was truly pregnant and not just testing positive off of residual
hormones; although in our hearts we knew that I really was pregnant.
(As a side note, I want to mention that around this time I remembered
what one of the speakers at school had said about God giving me a ring
as a sign of his seal on me. I have to admit, I wanted that ring and I
was fully expecting it around that time. I don't know whether I thought
it was going to be a ring someone had lost in the yard that I'd find
while gardening or what; all I can say is that I wanted it.) We had
been fighting with the bank for over two months and they were content to
do nothing about our stolen money. The day after I took the pregnancy
test, I went online and checked our bank account not expecting anything
to be different. I could not believe my eyes when I saw that all of the
money was put back and then some! When they refunded our account they
accidentally put in $100 too much. As I sat there staring at the
screen, trying to process the news about being pregnant and now our
money being returned, emotions washed over me like a wave. I knew right
away that it was God, he had done something big. Our sorrow had been
turned into joy, our mourning into a day of celebration. I called the
bank and told them about the mistake, they never took the extra money
out. Two weeks later it was time for our sonogram. Since the last one
did not go well and was still fresh in our minds, we were understandably
nervous. With Adam's hand in mine, we waited for the image to come up
on the monitor. Our doctor tried to explain to us what we should expect
to see at such an early stage in the pregnancy.
 |
| My little signet ring |
As the image slowly came into focus, and with no
knowledge (even to this day) of what God spoke to me through Esther or
even what the speaker had said to me about a ring, the doctor turned to me and
said, "look, there's your little signet ring!" The very moment the
words rolled off of her tongue, I knew in my heart that this was the
ring I had been looking for. It wasn't a physical ring at all, it was
my baby girl, my Remy. It was a confirmation that my King had heard my
requests, and that nothing that has been "sealed with his ring can be
revoked" (Esther 8:8). After all of this happened we received two
checks that were the same amount as the money stolen from us, give or
take a dollar or two. Coincidence? Maybe. We believe it's God and I'll tell
you what, with each of those checks it was like God saying "I don't just
restore what was lost, I multiply it."
So, do I
believe in fasting now? Yes! I believe that fasting, prayer and
worship come together in a beautiful marriage that has the power to
bring you into some of the most intimate places with God. I believe
that fasting brings you to a level of closeness with God that is not
possible any other way. I can't explain how or why, I just know it.