Recently, I was reading a post by Chuck Missler and one of his sub-headings read, "a painful blessing."
I though to myself, yes, this is life.
This is been welling up in me for months. With each monumental answer to pray coming to pass a pain has been forming. I haven't had words for it until now...
Remy was having a late night chat with Aunt Diana and came to the conclusion that nature is change. She is wise beyond her years. Change, for me at least, seems to be at the heart of this melancholia that has often left me either in hysterics or completely numb as a way to cope. To complicate matters even more, the irony of the situation is that I wouldn't change a thing about all of these changes.
Yesterday we dropped my mom at the airport. She left to join my father as he serves in the Army outside of Ramstein, Germany. This is a blessing for them and their marriage. They will have the opportunity to explore Europe together and experience a sort of second honeymoon filled with excitement and adventure. He's taken time off and they're spending the week in Paris. Bon, oui!
On the way home I was excited for my mom but also for us to have some privacy in the house. One of the painful blessings that came with our house selling was moving into my parents home. If you've ever had to move back home you know what I mean by that! As we drove, Adam and I reflected on all of the changes and he didn't seem to be as enthused as I was about this most recent one.
He said, "but you don't understand, I use to wake up and have a cup of coffee with your mom every morning, we would talk."
He went on to say that it had struck him as being sad that life as we know it will never be this way again. The mood in the car changed. It was true, life as we have come to know it, and be comfortable in it, since having the kids and living near family in Pennsylvania will never be the same. Who knows if my parents will keep this house when they move back at the end of my dad's assignment. The way my mom is talking she seems to have visions of swimming pools in South Florida swirling in her head. Or if Adam's parents will leave the area for a more hospitable climate.
When confronted with the reality of the life you're leaving, it can be enough to make even the most steadfast person pause and grieve a little. We really do, do our best to stay positive and excited about the adventures that are awaiting us. It's when these major blessings of life events happen, that can only come to pass by the Hand of God, that we pause and stand in awe. The awe however brings with it a reality check that this new life we are jumping head first into is more than just fanciful dreams and comes with a cost.
Two years ago I wept to the Lord about taking the children from their families and He answered those tears by moving my parents 5 hours from our new Swiss home. Here I sit still in the States, awaiting our move in a mostly empty house, sleeping on air mattresses and reaping the fruit from this and many other answered prayers.
The knowledge I'm maturing into is that break though and answered prayer doesn't always come wrapped in a pretty little box of euphoria. Break through and answered prayer are character forming and challenges the depths of your convictions.
Now that you have it, is this what you really wanted. My answer is yes...this is life.